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Thursday, September 30, 2004
Excuses For Sleeping At Your Desk:
1. "It's okay...I'm still billing the client."
2. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
3. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
4. "I was working smarter, not harder."
5. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the tippex."
6. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
7. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
8. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."
9. "I'm in the management training program."
10. "I'm actually doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan' (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
13. "The coffee machine is broke...."
14. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
15. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
16. "I was cross-training for telecommuting. Next, I watch the Waltons."
17. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
18. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands."
19. "I thought you [boss] were gone for the day."
And the best thing to say, if found sleeping at your desk:
20. "In Jesus' Name, Amen."
2. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
3. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
4. "I was working smarter, not harder."
5. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the tippex."
6. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
7. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
8. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance."
9. "I'm in the management training program."
10. "I'm actually doing a 'Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan' (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
13. "The coffee machine is broke...."
14. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
15. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
16. "I was cross-training for telecommuting. Next, I watch the Waltons."
17. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
18. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lenses without using my hands."
19. "I thought you [boss] were gone for the day."
And the best thing to say, if found sleeping at your desk:
20. "In Jesus' Name, Amen."
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
21 Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Monday, September 27, 2004
Ever thought of sponsoring a child?
Child-Link International Aid Foundation began in 1997 to gather funds here in UK to send regularly to the orphans. At the moment they support Love and Care India, in Madurai, South India, and now Hope Foster Home in China. They have plans to support many more.
It's amazing what £15 per month can buy - it costs 50p a day for each child - to house, feed, clothe, educate, and give medical care. Click here to find out more information.
It's amazing what £15 per month can buy - it costs 50p a day for each child - to house, feed, clothe, educate, and give medical care. Click here to find out more information.
India
Well.....most of you have probably heard by now - that I'm going to India in November, with John and Bron (friends I met in Lagos a few years ago) and approx eight others (yes, I'm just a little excited about this!!!!) :-)
We've got the opportunity to visit India (I've never been there before), spend three days at a 'School of Healing' in Chennai (Madras) where John and his brother Rob (Associate Pastor of Hillsong Church, Sydney) will be preaching.
Then, we fly South to Madurai to visit a childrens' orphanage (run by Pastor John Arul) and meet all of the children, including those who some of us sponsor through Child-Link. (John & Bron are UK Co-ordinators).
We all have different gifts and talents....thankfully I did not volunteer my cooking skills(!) - but one brave woman has offered to cook an 'English dish' - probably a sponge pudding for 500 (yes, you read that right!), there will be a clinic run by a GP, someone else will be making puppets, and I'll hopefully be teaching some English worship songs (with actions etc) to the children - sounds fun!
In the meantime, I've got to get injections, visas etc etc all sorted out! Watch this space for more info.....
We've got the opportunity to visit India (I've never been there before), spend three days at a 'School of Healing' in Chennai (Madras) where John and his brother Rob (Associate Pastor of Hillsong Church, Sydney) will be preaching.
Then, we fly South to Madurai to visit a childrens' orphanage (run by Pastor John Arul) and meet all of the children, including those who some of us sponsor through Child-Link. (John & Bron are UK Co-ordinators).
We all have different gifts and talents....thankfully I did not volunteer my cooking skills(!) - but one brave woman has offered to cook an 'English dish' - probably a sponge pudding for 500 (yes, you read that right!), there will be a clinic run by a GP, someone else will be making puppets, and I'll hopefully be teaching some English worship songs (with actions etc) to the children - sounds fun!
In the meantime, I've got to get injections, visas etc etc all sorted out! Watch this space for more info.....
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Just when I thought life couldn't get ANY more exciting....
....I bought a new iron and an ironing board cover! It was SOOOO exciting - it was worthy of a blog post!
I promise to get a bit more interesting again soon.....
I promise to get a bit more interesting again soon.....
Monday, September 20, 2004
Where have I been???
Apologies for the lack of postings lately....there are several reasons for this - but it's mainly due to my PC getting a nasty virus!!! Anyway....hopefully all will be back to normal soon!
Well, last week I was in Salisbury - meeting up with the group who I'm going to India with (for those who don't know - I'll do a longer post sometime and tell you all about it)! I'm SO looking forward to going - can't wait!
More pics and news to follow.....
Have a great week!! :-)
Well, last week I was in Salisbury - meeting up with the group who I'm going to India with (for those who don't know - I'll do a longer post sometime and tell you all about it)! I'm SO looking forward to going - can't wait!
More pics and news to follow.....
Have a great week!! :-)
Friday, September 10, 2004
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Cyber Psalm
The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed his software on the hard disk of my heart;
all of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices for His name’s sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
I will fear no bugs, for He is my backup.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and my file will be merged with His and saved forever.
Amen.
He installed his software on the hard disk of my heart;
all of His commands are user-friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices for His name’s sake.
Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
I will fear no bugs, for He is my backup.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and my file will be merged with His and saved forever.
Amen.
Monday, September 06, 2004
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle...
...when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes"
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes"
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
Friday, September 03, 2004
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Alternative Olympics
I think there should be an 'Alternative Olympics' which would include events such as 'Sprinting for the Train in High Heels'. I'm sure I would win gold for Great Britain, as I practice almost every day - and am now highly skilled (and trained) in the event. Most days I practice with 2-3 inch heels (as I find they're most effective!)
Last night my legs almost went numb on the train.....I spent 1.25 hrs standing on a hot, packed train (yep, it was as great as you are imagining!) and when I FINALLY got off - my legs wouldn't work properly....similar to the effect I experienced some years back, when I attempted to 'break through the pain barrier' on the step machine in the gym. Determined not to give up - I finished climbing the mountains (or whatever else it was!) and then my legs went numb and I fell over! It taught me a valuable lesson.....gyms are dangerous......so now I don't go anywhere near them - it's much safer!
Last night my legs almost went numb on the train.....I spent 1.25 hrs standing on a hot, packed train (yep, it was as great as you are imagining!) and when I FINALLY got off - my legs wouldn't work properly....similar to the effect I experienced some years back, when I attempted to 'break through the pain barrier' on the step machine in the gym. Determined not to give up - I finished climbing the mountains (or whatever else it was!) and then my legs went numb and I fell over! It taught me a valuable lesson.....gyms are dangerous......so now I don't go anywhere near them - it's much safer!
